Life after 'The Beast'
by SVUObsession
Summary: When Olivia has to testify against William Lewis after her attack, will she able to get through it? Or will her personal, work, and love life fall apart from the stress? Can she overcome the PTSD to put away the man whom attacked so many women?


It has been two months since the attack, and Olivia truly grew as a person. She felt like she not only connected more with the victims, but she could also feel like she wasn't a victim anymore.

However, although the nightmares became few and far apart, they where still there. And the flashbacks came often. Cassidy had been very supportive throughout the whole ordeal, but Olivia didn't like to share how she felt with him. She didn't want to burden him.

"Olivia, I really think we should talk about that hooker. I was just doing my job. I could never do that to you if I had a choice." Cassidy stated, a silent plea in his eyes that she wasn't feeling as hurt as he knew she was. "Brian, I know. You where just working. I completely understand. I actually have a surprise for you." Olivia began with a smirk starting on her face.

Olivia truly knew it was just his job, and the fact that he did, whatever he did, with that hooker didn't bother her as much as it should. What did bother her, however, was the fact that she couldn't do these things for Brian. Ever since her attack she couldn't go farther than a peck on the lips, no matter how hard she tried to push herself. She felt extremely guilty, she had never voiced this concern to Brian, but he had noticed in her eyes. He had repeatedly told her he didn't mind, and to take her time to heal. But still she knew he had needs and it made her feel selfish.

She slowly untied her robe, revealing a black and red lacy panties and bra set. A smile started across Brians lips. "Are you sure about this?" He asked cautiously, moving closer to her scantily clad body. "Never been more sure in my life." She states with a smile. He tips his head to the left, her the right. Almost like inseparable magnets, their lips pull together with an unimaginable force. Olivias tongue dances in Brians mouth, his swirling with hers in passion filled not only with lust, but love. With Olivias consent, Brian gently guided her back down on the couch, pushing his body gently on top of hers. They kissed more, and he moved to her neck. Leaving gentle kisses ever so soft. Being as tender as he ever had, he placed his hand on her breast. Feeling Olivia tense, he pulled away and made eye contact with the beautiful brunette. "Please Bri, I need this." Once again he took her lips into his mouth. He removed her underwear and Bra in quick, swift movements. Once again awaiting Olivias say so, he gently entered her. As if she was seventeen again, the first time she had ever been loved in such an intimate way. He so gently held, caressed and pleasured her. She was almost unsure if it was out of love or fear, but she had never felt so blissfully peaceful, so connected to him.

As he gently moved in her, his tongue moving from her lips, to her neck, to her chest, making Olivia whimper with pleasure. He became very aroused, more so than he had been before, maybe from the lack of sexually contact for so long, and tried his hardest to be mindful and aware of her fragile state. Once he was almost over the edge with pleasure, barely able to see straight through the shining colors of ecstasy, bliss, and pure love, he heard a whimper.

Not a usual '_Oh yes, Brian!' _whimper Olivia made. A soft shriek, like that of a small child. She was frightened, and he did it. He looked into her eyes, completely still to see them large, glassy, still. Filled with the terror of a flashback. She couldn't speak, but relived the moment of the attack, only whimpers and small cries escaping her lips. Brian immediately got off of her, sitting by her side.

"Liv, its me. Its Bri. I'm right here, you are home. Everything is okay baby. Baby giril, just look at me. Im right here." Soon the glassy, wide eyed terror began to stray, and she shook off the deer-caught-in-a-headlight face. She looked to Brian, ashamed of what had just happened.

Tears streaming down her face, she latched to Brian, feeling his secure arms around her made her feel a peace that she had only felt otherwise with Elliot. "I'm so sorry Bri, I didn't mean to. I'm so, so, sorry." Gently wiping a tear from her face, Brian responded "No, baby no. Don't ever feel sorry for not being ready. Im glad that you where able to let me know you where uncomfortable. I will wait for you as long as it takes. Its okay baby. I love you. _I love you._

This was Olivias first time hearing the words from Cassidy's mouth. She repeated the words, "I love you too", and kissed him. He helped her to the shower. Once Olivia emerged from the shower, she dressed and did her hair and makeup. Brian, already dressed joined her in going out the door.

"Captain called, I am going to the office, I don't know what this is about." Olivia said, noticing he was following. "I know liv, is it okay if I tag along?" He asked. She accepted, but something seemed odd. "I know.."? How did he know that the captain had called her? She eyed him cautiously and got into the passenger seat of the car.

After a twenty minute car ride of arguing over the radio station, which ultimately Olivia chose, rewarding her fussy boyfriend with a small but lingering kiss, they arrived at the precinct. "Hey Liv." Cragen said, with the all too familiar 'victim tone' Olivia had to be used to for the past two months. It had gotten better, but now he was using it again. She brushed off her suspicions.

"Oh hey captain, what's up?" she asked. He studied her features quizzingly, noticing the slight red puff to her eyes, she had been crying, the thought was apparent to him. He would ask Brian later. "Why don't you sit down Liv, please." Brian said, a little too sympathetically.

"Okay, that's it. What's going on here? You guys have been acting weird since I got here. Is it a case? Am I fired?" Olivia asked fast ad accusingly. "No liv, no. Its about…. Louis." Cragen finally spit from his mouth. "The trial begins next week, and they need you. He wouldn't agree to plead guilty, so we have to take this to trial. We will both be here Liv, all the way."

Olivia felt her head spin. She, still reeling from the news, quickly retorted with a "I knew it was coming someday, its fine." and sat down. She faked a smile and tried to change the topic by asking if there where any cases she could help on, but the answer was no. Of course Cragen wouldn't allow her to work until after the trial. She was assured she would have her squad right by her side.

"I know that I can always trust you guys. But right now, I need to be alone. Please." Olivia said before leaving. Brian went to chase after her, but Cragen stopped him. "She is a big girl Cassidy, she will be fine." Captain said, unsure of who he was trying to convince.

The squad went back to work, all silently hoping and praying that the strongest women they had ever knew, detective Benson, would be fine. After all, they had the voice in their head telling them that she would. Not because of her friends, or therapy. Because she was, Detective Olivia Benson.


End file.
